California in Zagreb

Small anecdote from Zagreb - whilst waiting for my train to Sarajevo, having been on the go since 6am and feeling generally zonked:

I decided to have a quick drink / bite in Zagreb before my train. On my way, I bumped into an American tourist. Ordinarily, small talk is fine. Even with no sleep, I can still manage some semblance of British politeness and be tactful. However, small talk is not fine when you have no sleep AND you have PMT AND you have been cornered into conversation by an over-enthusiastic Paris Hilton look alike from California. 

So this is me, trying to desperately curb my (when blatantly provoked) overactive sarcasm:

Girl from California: You’re from Ma-lay-sia! Oh... Mala-y-siaaa... (her eyes glaze over)... It’s a remote place isn’t it. Is it an island somewhere? Oh I’ve heard of it! I’m sure I’ve heard of it. So is it modern? Are there like, cars, in Malaysia? 

Me: (straight faced) No. We ride elephants to work. The government is trying to encourage ride-sharing schemes.

I am met with incessant exclamations of “oh cool!” and whether or not one needs to learn to drive an elephant. I refrain myself. 

Girl from California: So, like... Mal-aysi-a is totally hot, isn't it ?

Me: (straight faced) Yes, it is so hot there that all the water boils spontaneously. That is why tea is such a popular drink in Malaysia.

etc etc.... (needless to say, I made an excuse to leave and I did). 

[Disclaimer: I am not usually so abrupt, I have nothing against Americans and water does not boil spontaneously in Malaysia]