Rhetorics on friendship

I was recently asked a pertinent question. When do you reach the point where you make that judgment call about the devaluation of a friendship?

Does the mere fact that you can devalue a friendship mean that it wasnt worth much in the first place? What are the friendships worth fighting for? How do you know which ones deserve the effort and which ones should be given up on? Is it right to "give up" on friendship? Does that not contradict the meaning of the word? Shouldnt friendship inculcate a willingness to put up with and continually hone two characters until one reaches the point of balance? Friendship, like any other relationship, should be tempered with love and patience, should it not? When does one reach the point of "it just isnt worth the effort anymore"?

I am blessed with many good friends. I have more than a handful of whom I would say are very very close. Each one is different on their own merit. Some have required more working on than others. Some started on a fairly superficial level for a while, but tempered with quality time, grew into amazing and rewarding relationships. Some were friends of friends and were grafted into my network. Some fell away because of distance and the lack of contact. Some remain strong despite little contact. All, however, required some extent of effort.

The fine line between a friend and a good friend is how the value of the relationship is perceived by both parties. One sided friendships do not last long, but similarly friendships that are too intense can implode. They implode because intensity can backfire. The good times will be amazing but a fall out or disappointment can be lethal.

All friends are likely to let you down at some point because, let's face it, they're human. The turning point is where you decide to press on with the friendship. It is in how you deal with the afterflow of disappointment, hurt or anger. Good friendships survive fall-outs if they have the foundation of communication, trust and honesty. Good friends grow stronger if they can put pride aside and be willing to accept fault, and more importantly, change.

I find myself at crossroads, re-evaluating my friendships. Looking back, I can identify friendships that have been healthy and those that are showing signs of decay. Decay is different from devaluation. Decay is often due to external factors like long distance or unresolved conflict.

Devaluation is when you actively decide to take a step back. In my opinion, devaluation is far worse because you are pro-actively severing a few chords. The judgment call is probably made when the chords that bind start feeling more like a noose.