Of flip flops and prison

Hi, I'm back. It's winter in these parts now, and the days preceeding this have come and gone swiftly. Barcelona was a much needed break of sunshine, paella and walking around in flip flops. I sit here now in my wooly jacket wondering exactly how long ago it all was; but strangely enough, it's good to be back here too.

I'm off home in 15 minutes time. Work today has been tiring, I've spent half my day in the prison cell, getting statements from 2 people who have been accused and detained (rightly or wrongly, I dont know) and who have an impending prison sentence hanging over their heads. The interview cell I was in stank of urine, stale alcohol and old cigarettes. It had a table with a voice recorder on it, and 4 chairs, all bolted firmly to the ground (so you dont have to risk an angry in-mate picking his chair up and throwing it at you, or so the warden told me).

I thought about all the movies I've watched, and the tension in the scenes where in-mates are interviewed; about how the injustices are eloquently dealt with by their lawyers, and everything looks seamless; I thought about how none of it seemed to fit into real life, now that I was there. I felt like I didnt know a thing; I fumbled with my file as they talked, trying to jot down anything that could provide half a defence to the numerous allegations against them. My head swam with too many questions, too many answers, too many inconsistencies... I wondered how I could possibly help them, and if it was evident that I was feeling so out of my depth...

Learn by doing. He keeps telling me that, yet in as much as it scares me, it's exactly what I need. Today I realised again: sink or swim....and in the process of flapping your arms wildly and doggy paddling, you learn things that teach you the solid basics that eventually keep you afloat.

For now, what keeps me going... though I fumble much... is that I want to help people. I really, really want to help people. That is reason enough to keep doggy paddling like crazy.